Thursday, February 16, 2012

Look out below!

Where do I begin. Alright, so you've heard the saying, fell off the wagon, right? Apparently it originated back in the 1800s, over a proposed alcohol ban. Basically, those who were sober were said to be on the wagon; the wagon referring to a water cart used to hose down dirty roads. Those with self control would seek out the cart for a refreshing drink of H20, and those who were unsuccessful at kicking the booze habit...well you know the rest. Why is it so hard to admit failure. Is it because we start off with the best intentions? I told myself from the very beginning of this journey, and this blog, that I would not beat myself up for "falling off the wagon", but the problem is that I think it was something more along the lines of me jumping off. I bailed. I began with so much motivation and so many high hopes, but life got in the way. To give myself some credit, I didn't anticipate starting a new job (part time as it may be) or having my sweet baby turn into a toddler/monster with two heads overnight, or any of the other countless things that this year has seemed to throw my way. So that must be it! I didn't fall off the wagon and I didn't jump, no I was pushed! Life pushed me off! If only it were as simple as it was back in grade school when we could blame our own shortcomings on the other kid. So, where does this leave me, aside from on the ground flat on my back and dumb founded? Well don't you have to hit rock bottom before you can truly move ahead. Perhaps that's where I am at. Or perhaps, I will fall again. One of my favorite quotes has always been, fall seven times, stand up eight. Honestly, where I am right now, is the place were getting up is not something I feel capable of doing. I have resorted back to my old way of thinking and most days, good tasting food, or that glass of wine is the only thing keeping me sane. So, for now, and just for now, I am going to stay down here and take a few breaths before I get back up on that wagon again. Does this mean I am not going to be writing this blog? No, in fact the plan is to write even more than before, only this time I will be writing about much more than food. I am going to share the person behind the food. Perhaps by doing this, I will find the reason I jumped off the wagon and find the strength to climb back on. Until next time...

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