Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Recovering junk food junkie revelation
Junk food and I have always had a love/hate relationship. I love it and it hates me (specifically my thighs.) While I have never been the type to buy a ton of "bad" food at the store, because I know myself too well, and I know it would be gone in a day, I do allow myself little splurges here and there and I tend to buy a select few of these indulgent items each week. Today I found myself, in the midst of my new healthy lifestyle challenge, craving and even obsessing over every item in this category. Even the things I have had in my cabinets for some time and not even been interested in consuming. Suddenly anything that would not be approved by Dr. Oz himself was peeking its ugly head around the kitchen door and saying "You know you want me, but you can't have me." Why do we always want what we can't have? Could it be the fact that it is a certain time of month? Or possibly that I was stressed to the max today and food has always been my go to quick fix? Whatever the reason, something hit me, it is not that I can't have them. I am perfectly capable of walking in there and giving into those mocking hostess snack cakes. What's stopping me? Or better yet, what will stop me. Will it be the voice saying, "You are a failure if you quit?" Will it be my own strength? Will it be my determination to be an example to my daughter? How about saying a prayer for self control. The answer is all of the above and one fairly obvious choice- not buying these tempting treats. If it is not in my home, then I am much less likely to fail, right? So, am I saying I am never again going to be able to allow myself melt in your mouth, man made, artery clogging self satisfying food? Of course I will not go the rest of my life without having a scrumptious snack a time or two, that would be insane! However I have to know my own strength and right now I am not strong. I am hungry and weak and hungry! Did I mention hungry? And before you tell me that health food can be satisfying, please know that this is not the kind of hunger that can be filled with anything, except junk food. Well, until now that is. Things are changing and my days of needing comfort food are coming to an end. I want to get to the point of being able to eat something, because I want to and not because I feel I have to. So, for now, I think it is best to end my relationship with all junk food. I have to be realistic and work on realizing my limits. If I was able to do this I wouldn't be where I am now. I can get there though, and above all I need to remember that I choose to change. I can choose to not care or to give in at any point in time, but I won't. I can do this!